Day Fourteen: Thinking

Animal Planet is the worst thing to happen to a dog-deprived human like me since DailyPuppy.

Day Thirteen: Nonsense

This could also be called : a non-update, update.

To say work was dead tonight would be greatly understating the amount of non-action. However, half the staff is at my house right now and this is fun so I guess I shouldn't complain, not even a little bit.

We still don't have internet so this is from my phone. Tomorrow, a real post. I swear.

Day Twelve: Books

Okay, so. Facebook. The more mature people on my friends list have been passing around a filler-outer-spam thingy that goes like this:

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen books you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your 15 picks, and tag people in the note - upper right hand side.)

Well, I'm not going to tag anyone but I do like thinking about books that have impacted me.

1. Life of Pi - Yann Martel (This book, and maybe it's silly to give a book power like this but, this book gave me the strength to believe in God even if I wasn't quite sure who he was.)
2. The Professor and the Madman - Simon Winchester (Any person who loves language, who loves English will love this book. The amazing history of the Oxford English Dictionary is truly a tale of a professor and the madman who helped him; a story of help coming from all the wrong places.)
3. The Places You'll Go - Dr. Seuss (And, you will, go to oh, so many places.)
4. Close Range - Annie Proulx (Though I'll never write the way she does; never be able to craft a scene or describe emotion the way she does, I'm still able to read her without jealousy. And, if you know me, being able to admire talent without getting all snitty about it. . . well you know, then, what a feat it is.)
5. Into the Wild - Jon Krakauer (I think the boy is an idiot; the writer? A genius.)
6. Under the Banner of Heaven - Jon Krakauer (So, I always thought Mormons were absolutely off-the-wall nuts. This book confirms my belief, but, Krakauer also does a careful job of distinguishing the different branches of Mormonism from each other.)
7. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (The book that I finished and said, Well, I want to be a writer. How incredible?)
8. The Miracle Life of Edgar Mint - Brady Udall (Speaking of BYU. . . Udall is a graduate. But, don't hold it against him. He's a masterful storyteller. I'm not sure if I recommend this book; it is heart wrenching and unrelenting. It did impact me though, and the story is absolutely unique - a rarity.)
9. A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle (To be honest, I don't remember much about this book except that at the time I was absolutely enthralled. I remember a big old house and a thunderstorm and I remember loving every second of my stay in her universe. I should maybe read it again, but, I might wait to share it with my own kids; I'll relive it then.)
10. Skeleton Crew - Stephen King (I went through a King "phase" where he was all I read, I find him a bit repetitive now but I still go back to this collection of spooky stories. Something about them captures him.)
11. Gone, Baby, Gone - Dennis Lehane (I had trouble choosing a Lehane book - he's written several. However, this one resonates with me (maybe because it was such an incredible movie). I'm not usually one for mysteries or capers but I think Lehane hits on raw human emotion within his detective plots.)
12. Dracula - Bram Stoker (At least one classic had to make the list.)
13. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen(Ok. So, prepare a little for a rant. I hate British literature. I can't stand the style or the stories or ugh, anything about it. I suffered through my Junior Brit Lit class with a permanent scowl on my face. Still, Elizabeth and Darcy are a very classic pair and something about their story still rings with me, even now. My opinion about Brit Lit hasn't changed, don't you worry. I'm not afraid to throw Wuthering Heights to the wolves and take one step towards me with that horrid Jane Eyre and I'll throw you to them, too.)
14. Romeo and Juliet - Shakespeare (Not a book you say? I say: Shove it.)
15. In a Sunburned Country - Bill Bryson (I want to live in Australia, ok? That's it.)

Also, Harry Potter could totally be on this list because What A Ride. But, it remains at #16 and therefore not worthy.

Day Twelve: Moving and a Twilight review

I think Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight is a hack who got lucky.

Let's rewiind.

Let me begin here: Stephen King stated, "the real difference [between Rowling and Meyer] is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer, and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."


Meyer is very obviously a young woman who was once a young girl who didn't have many friends. And this whole time she didn't have any friends she dreamed about being whisked away to a city where no one knew her, where she would be exotic and appreciated. Her "character" , Bella Swan, is simply what she sees when she looks in the mirror. Slightly plain but definitely misunderstood; smart and "above" all the shenanigans of high school.


I'll give Meyer this: the story has the potential to be interesting. Edward and his family have a vaguely intriguing dynamic and of course, Vampires are always bound to be entertaining. The idea of a "good" vampire clan isn't new- there are always going to be those that struggle with the monster within.

What's lacking is any talent. Meyer comes across as a girl who had a crush on some boy named Edward and wrote in her diary (see: LiveJournal) about how wonderful it would be if they fell in love.

It's absolutely horribly written.

On another note, there is an undertone of abuse that worries me. I'm thinking now of the kids I used to coach in swimming who were obsessed with these books. There is a constant banter between Edward and Bella where he tells her that he "can't control himself around her" and that "she drives him crazy". He warns her again and again of his strength and she APOLOGIZES for her WEAKNESS; she's only human. I know that in later books (yes there is more than one in this series) they have sex and he leaves bruises which she tries to hide.

She. Tries. To. Hide.

I'm sorry. Fucking good Vampire or not a monster is a monster. Teaching our kids that people who say "I love you" always mean it and that it's your fault for being weak if they end up hurting you? That's just fucking nuts. I'm sorry, babies, but if your boyfriend leaves bruises or hurts you in anyway; if he's ever so out of control he doesn't hear or "process" when you say no or stop? That is your cue to: Walk (See: Run) The Fuck Away.


Anyways, my prognosis? Totally NOT worth it.


More moving today, I think. Most of the heavy stuff got moved yesterday. I have NO ganas. We'll see how I feel after a latte.

Day Eleven: Moving

Okay, so I'm moving house . . . again. I know that I absolutely should be more excited but mostly I'm just exhausted. I'm tired just thinking about: hanging clothes, folding clothes, hanging frames, framing pictures, cleaning, moving a couch, a table, my mattresses, my t.v., my d.v.d. player, my d.v.ds, et al.

Actually, I think that is all.

Anyways, more to come on the saga that is me moving house. Keep in mind that in the last year alone I have moved from my apartment to my house to Spain back to my apartment back to my house and now to this new house . . . and almost everything I own has gone to every single place. Awe. Some. Or, you know, not awesome, like, at all.

Day Ten: Annoyed

I'm still trudging through Twilight but I think I'll save my review (see: rant) for when I'm finished suffering.

I am annoyed today by the roofers next door who think I don't notice when they stop what they're doing and stare down into my living room windows where I'm stretched out reading. I know that I am the only woman you have seen in several hours and although I am younger than most of your daughters I'm probably cuter than most of your wives; However, I'm not as oblivious as I look, you freak-show, hardly-working, over-paid men. Oi. Vey.

Day Nine: Distracted

Okay, so, to be perfectly honest I'm super invested in the current Dog the Bounty Hunter episode and so this post isn't exactly . . . as focused as it probably could be. Can you blame me? No, no you can not.

The deal is I'm reading Twilight; or rather, I'm suffering through Twilight. My gift to you? You are going to suffer with me.

I have read 53 pages in which rain was referenced 33 times. I counted. I need a distraction from the plot or the lack of plot. In case you're foreign, the PNW (Pacific NW) is a lot like London and Dublin in that it has a reputation for rain. It's gray. Whatever. So. This book, written by a lady living down in Phoenix (Valley of the Sun she doesn't mind reminding us) decided to set her book in Forks, WA the rainiest place in the United States of America. She then precedes to tell us every time a rain drop touches the sad, pale head of our fearless if clumsy heroine. . . Every. Time. Every. Single. Time.

Great quotes so far?

Pg. 22 - "His face was turned away, but I thought his cheek appeared lifted, as if he were smiling, too."

Pg. 25 - "He was so mean. It wasn't fair."

Pg. 48- "I couldn't fathom his interest, but he continued to stare at me as with his penetrating eyes. . . "

So far in the story we have met Bella, an inexplicably pale girl from Phoenix who has moved to Forks to live with her father. She is drawn to a mysterious Model.Hot.Gorgeous.UnbelievablyBeautiful boy named Edward. He is mean and then he saves her life and then he's mean again. It rains. A. Lot. There is a lot of raining all day with the rain and one day it snowed but then it rained later.


Are you ready for this? Because, I am totally hooked . . . or baffled. Either way, this chick is a millionaire best-seller. I'm trying to ignore the part of my brain that says, Honey? This is a case of the Emperor's clothes. She has real talent, this Stephanie. Right? Right???

Day Eight: Nonsense

124 MILLION people have already watched this but I really couldn't let it pass by without posting it. I want this guy at my future kids 5th birthday party or my grandma's retirement - whichever. ALSO, OMG he IRISH dances to COTTON-EYE JOE! I mean, how many CAPS-LOCKED words can one video earn? A lot, apparently. (And, AND, bye bye bye at 5:12 not even kidding.)

Day Eight: Music

Embedding has been disabled BUT I think this video is well worth the trip over to YouTube.

The 88 - Coming Home aka That One Target Commercial

Such a perfect dance-while-doing-the-dishes song.

Day Seven: Facebook

An old co-worker from the Y reminds us: if you're gonna masturbate with a noose around your neck make sure you have a spotter.